True to yourself

Do you find it hard to disappoint others?  I'm guilty of this; and it came home to roost this weekend.

A friend asked me out with a group of her friends recently.  I said yes, eventhough I don't like going out in the evening very much.  To be honest, I'm rather a hermit these days.  The day before the event I felt very unwell.  The day of the event I felt better, but I was still not right.  Finally, I cancelled. 

I know, it's rude to cancel at the last minute and if you knew me, you'd know that it was probably inevitable.  My friend was understandably annoyed.  Very annoyed.  It's been awkward since.

I was talking this through with one of my 'soul sisters' which helped so much I thought I'd share her wisdom.  She suggested that people pleasers are best served by going for short term pain instead of long term pain; it's better to say 'No, I'm sorry, that's not really my thing,' at the outset and risk upsetting someone, than spending weeks worrying about something and disappointing them closer to the date, when they are more invested in your attendance/participation/contribution etc.

She added that if someone is a true friend, they will accept me, flaws and all.  Moreover, if it is a new friendship, what is it worth if it's not built on honesty?  They will never get to know the real me, what kind of friendship is that?

It is a hard lesson to learn, but I need to stop and think before I respond to invitations, at least for a while.  It's a cliche but, if you never say 'no', what is your 'yes' really worth?